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In a Tiny Buddha essay, psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman argues that people cannot get every part of life right at once: choosing one priority often means setting another aside. He describes a change in how he views those tradeoffs, illustrated by his calm response to an unexpected hospital visit. The essay is personal reflection, not a clinical study or new medical guidance.
Psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman describes in a Tiny Buddha essay how he has become more accepting of the tradeoffs that come with competing demands, arguing that no one can do everything at once. He presents the account as a personal reflection on work, family, rest and expectations, rather than as research or guidance on resolving difficult circumstances.
Hauptman compares managing life’s competing demands to trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube: making one side look right can leave another side scrambled. He lists ordinary conflicts, including seeing clients or doing household chores, spending time with family or writing, and meeting professional responsibilities while also making time to rest. He says that he still wants to meet all those goals, but has grown less likely to interpret an unfinished task as evidence that he has failed.
He frames the problem as a desire for control: wanting people and circumstances to match one’s expectations, including the wish to make choices without giving anything up. Hauptman says he sees a paradox in trying to gain control in one area while losing it in another. As examples, he points to a person using alcohol to manage feelings, a business executive whose work success coincides with family estrangement, and a parent whose focus on children leaves a marriage disconnected. These are illustrations in his essay, not documented case studies or evidence that the same outcomes follow in every situation.
The essay’s central shift is in how Hauptman interprets what he calls the “scrambled side” of the cube. A day spent writing may leave chores undone; a day spent on chores may mean no progress on a book. He says he now sees such outcomes as signs that a choice was made, recognizing that “inside every ‘yes’ there’s a ‘no.’” He does not say he has stopped wanting more or that every tradeoff feels easy.
How Competing Priorities Take Shape
Hauptman describes how he interprets the limits imposed by competing responsibilities: prioritizing one demand can leave less time for another. He says this outlook has made him less likely to regard an unfinished task as personal failure. The essay presents that change as his own experience, not as a tested approach or a general finding.
Hauptman does not claim that this perspective removes practical pressures. Health, finances, caregiving, work conditions and other constraints can shape the choices people face. His account does not establish that reframing tradeoffs resolves those pressures or mental health concerns.
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Hauptman’s Control Framework
Hauptman identifies himself as a psychotherapist, or LCSW, and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015. The Tiny Buddha essay connects its discussion of everyday scheduling choices to that broader interest in control, emotional safety and relationships. The source says a revised edition of the book was forthcoming, but gives no release date.
The essay moves between general reflections and autobiographical examples. Its opening image is a speed-cuber who can solve a cube quickly; Hauptman says his envy of that skill reflects his own wish to make every part of life fit neatly. The most personal example comes near the end, when he recounts a medical evaluation that disrupted his work and family plans.
“Well, this isn’t what I want, but it’s what I got, so okay.”
— Steve Hauptman, quoting Sylvia Boorstein at the start of the essay
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Limits of a Personal Account
The essay is a first-person reflection, and the source provides no study, survey or independent evidence about how widely readers share Hauptman’s experience. It does not establish that accepting tradeoffs will produce the same response for others, or that every conflict between responsibilities can be solved through a change in perspective.
Hauptman also recounts a cardiogram finding a “blip” that his doctor said suggested a possible transient ischemic attack, after which he was directed to an emergency room for tests. The essay does not report a final diagnosis or test results. It should not be read as medical advice, and it gives no basis for drawing conclusions about the health event.
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No Further Update Provided
The source material gives no scheduled follow-up to the essay or confirmed publication date for the revised edition of Hauptman’s book. The next development, if any, would depend on a later update from Hauptman or Tiny Buddha. For now, the essay stands as his account of changing how he interprets the tasks left undone when he chooses to focus elsewhere.
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Key Questions
What is the main point of Hauptman’s essay?
Hauptman argues that choices involve tradeoffs: focusing on one task or relationship can mean having less time for another. He says he has become less likely to treat that as proof that he has failed.
Is the essay based on a study?
No. The source is a personal essay by Hauptman. It does not cite research or present data showing how common these experiences are.
What happened during the hospital visit he describes?
Hauptman says a cardiogram during a routine physical showed a blip suggesting a possible transient ischemic attack. His doctor directed him to the emergency room, where he waited while tests were run. The essay does not give the final results or a diagnosis.
Does Hauptman say people should stop setting goals?
No. He says he still wants to write, spend time with family, earn money and rest. His point is that not every goal can be met at once, and that leaving something undone need not automatically mean failure.
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