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In a first-person Tiny Buddha essay, an autistic writer says years of trying to appear “normal” left him depleted and disconnected from his own preferences. He describes easing that effort through small changes, including allowing himself to stim and asking for quiet, and says this brought more energy and improved some relationships. His account is personal, not evidence that every autistic person will have the same experience.
A writer who identifies as autistic says in a first-person essay published by Tiny Buddha that years spent trying to appear “normal” left him exhausted, while gradually dropping that performance gave him more energy and helped him form more genuine connections. The account describes one person’s experience with masking; it does not establish that the same changes will work for everyone.
The writer says he learned to monitor other people’s behavior and copy social cues, including eye contact, facial expressions, humor and conversational habits. He describes the effort as a kind of unpaid, full-time job: he could appear comfortable in social settings, then return home feeling depleted. He says he did not have the word “masking” for the behavior at the time.
According to the essay, the strain built gradually. The writer reports becoming tired after ordinary days, dreading activities he had once enjoyed, leaving calls unanswered and canceling plans. He says he interpreted those difficulties as laziness or a need to try harder, even though he had already been putting substantial effort into performing for others.
His changes were incremental. He stopped forcing eye contact that felt uncomfortable, allowed himself to rock or fidget, and asked for quiet without apologizing. He says some friendships shifted, while relationships that were not dependent on his performance improved. He also began choosing quieter settings and smaller gatherings over crowded events, describing more energy for activities he enjoys and less shame when sensory demands became difficult.
The essay gives readers a personal account of how the pressure to meet social expectations can shape daily life for an autistic person. Its central point is not that social interaction or adaptation is inherently harmful, but that continually suppressing one’s needs can carry a personal cost that may not be visible to other people.
The writer’s experience also highlights a gap between appearing to cope and feeling well. He says others saw someone who seemed functional, while he privately felt exhausted. That distinction may help readers understand why a person’s outward presentation does not necessarily reveal how much effort an interaction requires.
His account is not a clinical study, and it cannot establish how common his experience is or predict the effect of masking for another person. Its relevance is as first-person testimony: it describes choices that helped this writer, including setting limits and selecting less overwhelming environments, while recognizing that his circumstances and needs are his own.
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From Copying Cues to Setting Limits
The writer says childhood teasing and feeling different taught him to view difference as unsafe. He responded by studying peers and rehearsing behavior he believed would help him fit in. In the essay, he presents this learned performance as a way to avoid rejection, but also as a source of ongoing strain.
He says there was no single dramatic moment when he decided to change. Instead, he gradually tested what happened when he stopped forcing particular behaviors. His examples include allowing natural movement, leaving noisy situations, and choosing one-on-one time over large social events. The account frames these as small, personal adjustments, not a universal prescription to stop masking in every setting.
““That’s what masking is, though I didn’t call it that at the time.””
— The writer, in the Tiny Buddha essay
What One Account Cannot Show
The source is a personal essay, not a report of a study or an assessment by a clinician. It does not provide data on how many autistic people mask, how masking affects people across different circumstances, or whether the writer’s reported changes would have similar effects for others.
The essay also does not specify the writer’s age, location, diagnosis history or the publication date. It describes some friendships changing but does not give details that would establish why particular relationships shifted. The writer says difficult days and sensory overload continue, so the account does not claim that dropping the performance resolved every challenge.
Small Changes, On His Terms
The writer offers readers an invitation rather than a formal plan: make changes gradually, in a place that feels safe, and notice how they feel. He suggests allowing one less-guarded behavior rather than trying to change every social habit at once. That advice is part of his personal perspective, not a substitute for individualized support.
The essay does not announce a follow-up project or a next reporting milestone. What comes next for the writer is presented as ongoing adjustment: choosing environments that fit his needs, allowing himself to rest, and accepting that sensory overload and hard days may still happen.
Key Questions
What does the writer mean by “masking”?
He uses masking to describe monitoring and copying social behavior—such as eye contact, expressions and conversational habits—to appear more typical or acceptable to others.
What changes did he make?
He says he stopped forcing eye contact, allowed himself to rock or fidget, asked for quiet without apologizing, and chose quieter or smaller social settings more often.
Did dropping the mask solve all his difficulties?
No. He says he still has hard days and experiences sensory overload. He describes a change in how he responds to those experiences, not a complete end to them.
Does the essay show that all autistic people should stop masking?
No. It is one person’s account and does not establish what is right or safe for everyone. The writer describes trying small changes in settings where he felt able to do so.
Source: tinybuddha.com
